I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I accidentally had phone sex last night
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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