I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
