I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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