Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
