Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
