singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
