no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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