Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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