I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
