I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
