hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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