I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
