I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
