To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
she told me i tasted like america
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize