I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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