So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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