I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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