i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
The air taste purple.
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