I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Randomize