Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
