my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
It's shark week go big or go home
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
