i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
