her facebook's as public as her vagina
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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