dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
