dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
