don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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