I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
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