so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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