she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
