The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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