What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
