I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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