You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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