Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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