tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
