My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
