dude i'm inner monologue high
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize