I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
