Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Your penis caused this!
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
