Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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