We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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