white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
i now understand why vodka
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
