Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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