Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize