im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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