His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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