On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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