im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
