Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
