I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
