I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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