There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
