After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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