My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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