i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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