thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
