dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
