i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
