I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I will be naked everywhere
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Also, beer. Big fan.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize