what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
