how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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