The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
