We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
