Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize