3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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