i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
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