My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
