Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
