guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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