Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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