hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize