After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
