i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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