I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
