why didn't you poke me back
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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