My friends, they love my intelligence
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
