I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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