i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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