$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
