Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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