I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
